People don’t mind being busy, they just mind being busy with the wrong things. Most people also recognise they have a degree of choice about how they spend their time but still find they focus on urgent, less important and less fulfilling activities while the important stuff slides out of view.
So why do we fail to prioritise what matters most and what can we do about it?
The tyranny of the urgent
To survive and to thrive are two constantly competing human needs. Our primary duty to ourselves for most of human history has been to survive and we are highly capable threat detectors. Urgent things trigger this survival urge because they can feel, and sometimes really are, threatening to us.
When our in-tray fills up we can react with semi-conscious urges amounting to “If I don’t do this [insert apparently importantly but truly just urgent thing] I won’t be OK” – our brains tells our survival status is threatened.
As a result we enter a less powerful, less resourced and less creative state. We react and act on the urgent and stop focusing our important sources of true fulfilment – our personally meaningful goals.
In short, we operate from fear and not from vision, purpose and meaning. This is partly why constantly dealing with urgent things feels draining.
The first discipline: pause, reflect, choose
To break out of this, take a moment to recognise what’s going on. When the urgent drops on you, practice pausing, taking a mental step back and put your fully developed human in charge to assess the threat.
Ask: is this really and important thing for me to act on or am I being triggered by an underlying fear about what this means?
Then choose: should I address this urgent threat now? Can it wait? Can I delegate it? Is there another way?
You may find yourself choosing to act on some urgent items that are not terribly meaningful for you. If so, try reframing the task to something that matters to you: as a gift of service to someone else, a learning opportunity, a deposit in the favour bank.
The key here is to pause, reflect and decide – your awareness is a precious gift and you can harness it to make empowered choices.
Try to build the habit of pausing for one or two heartbeats before you act, you will be amazed at how fast you can process your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations to make a good decision.
The second discipline: uncovering your personally meaningful goals
The first discipline gives you the gift of choice, the second is about making the most of that gift. If you are able to act from a more considered, resourced and creative state you can now decide to prioritise what matters to you most.
And here is a critical question: do you know what matters to you most?
One of the great sources of human thriving is progress towards a personally meaningful goal. If you don’t know what those goals are for you, progress is not going to be possible.
It can be a life’s work uncovering “the doing and being” of your true self, but I would encourage you to have a working version of that on the go at all times. Without it your precious attention and energy will still be wasted on things that don’t feel worthy of your talents.
This second discipline requires the commitment to engage in answering the big question of what you believe your contributions are to the great project of human flourishing. Working with a coach is one of the best ways to uncover your personally meaningful goals.
The third discipline: manage your environment
“But what about my boss, my team, my partner, my kids and all my other commitments?” I hear you cry. What is to be done about all these other valid calls on your time and attention?
The third discipline is about taking account of these and managing them as you need.
First, if these things truly matter to you, then build them in to your meaningful goal. “Be” a parent, a leader, a friend, a follower and a crisis manager. Be the person who responds to the urgent and un-planned, just make sure it means something to you - see discipline two.
If serving these calls on your time isn’t core to your personally meaningful goals, try elements of discipline one: pause and reframe the task in a way that works for you. You might have to keep your boss happy on one topic to give you autonomy to pursue what really matters.
Finally, if these pressures don’t align with your meaningful goals and you can’t build a case by reframing, then it’s time to manage them.
This means proactively influencing the people and things in your world to create the space needed to address your meaningful and worthy goals. This could look like managing your boss by explaining why the urgent request for numbers needs to wait one extra day because you are at a critical point in a key project; or sharing with your spouse that you need them to pick up the children so you can have an extra hour to prepare your talk for a community group.
It could also mean turning off your phone, shutting email or retreating to a quiet corner of the office building – if you still go to one. It might mean doing the opposite: hanging out exactly where the meaningful action is for you so you can have encounters that matter.
The fourth discipline: reward yourself
Just in case conquering the urgent to focus on your worthy goals isn’t enough, add some extrinsic reward in to the mix. Rewards help build habits. If you achieve even just 15 extra minutes of meaningful focus give yourself a true pat on the back. Coffee and dark chocolate work for me. If I have an amazing week I carve out time for a serious run or bike ride and revel in feeling I deserve it.
About me: Gary Armstrong helps people, teams and organisations who are stuck to find joy, fulfilment and high performance. He uses coaching and consulting to help people become clear on their purpose and goals and make transformational shifts in how they achieve them. You can email him on gary@pinnaclecoaching.net or book time with him here. He also likes being with his family, spending time in the outdoors and he’s the co-host of The RunAlive podcast.
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